I'll start my end of year movie recap by taking a look at the movies I actively disliked. In an attempt to avoid negativity and endless criticism I would like to point out that whilst these are not necessarily the worst movies of the year by any stretch of the imagination these are those five special films that I hoped for more from and was sorely disappointed.
I think it was last year that Drive killed my enthusiasm for cinema and in some ways this list could be called The Drive Awards AKA Man! I Hated This Movie.
5. The Watch Dir. Akiva Schaffer
So much comedic potential gone to waste with this film, my expectations weren't too high but I did expect to laugh more frequently than I did. Easily the worst comedy of the year for me simply because of who was in it. I'm sure a Rob Schneider would have been a thousand times worse but then I would never watch one of his movies ever again so obviously it can't be nominated.
4. Savages Dir. Oliver Stone
I loved the book and hated the movie, there's a little bit of book reader disappointment involved in my disdain for the latest Oliver Stone mess but that aside I would have expected more from an Oliver Stone movie featuring lots of violence, such as being entertained not put to sleep. I make my plea once more, Mr Stone please find a way to remove Hollywood's dick from your ass or quietly retire from making films.
3. Dark Knight Rises Dir. Christopher Nolan
For so long this was my least favourite movie experience of the year. I know I am in the minority and that so many people orgasmed over its "brilliance" but I had so many problems with this tired and obvious movie (I don't even count plot holes as an issue, before that criticism starts here) from the second the plane was hijacked and they've only been magnified over time. It's certainly not worse than Birdemic or The Room or whatever because Nolan actually has talent but it certainly made me hate cinema for a while.
2. Total Recall 2012 Dir. Len Wiseman
I guess you could say that I expected something from this film, I didn't expect it to live up to the original or even the Philip K. Dick source story but I did expect to enjoy myself a little. Afterall it's a sci-fi chase story with lots of violence. And that expectation is what saves this from being my worst film of the year. Don't get me wrong, this movie has absolutely nothing going for it, it stinks from start to finish as discussed during the live twitter review but perhaps I wouldn't have hated it so much if it had a different title. Perhaps. Of course, if I'd waited another fortnight before watching the winner of the award there would have been nothing for this disaster to hide behind.
1. Taken 2 Dir. Olivier Megaton
It made a late run for it and scored big time. Man I hated this movie.To celebrate, here is my full review:
Holy shit snacks that was bad! Taken 2 has done what I never thought was possible, made me reconsider just how bad Total Recall 2012 was; compared to this steaming pile of nonsense it just might be considered an OK movie.
Perhaps my memory isn't so hot or I'm looking through rose-tinted glasses but I felt certain that whilst the first movie wasn't great it was a decent revenge thriller that featured Liam Neeson kicking so much ass in a series of well directed set pieces.
This one was mean spirited, derisive, clichéd, convoluted, slow, boring, un-thrilling, stupid, senseless, pointless, messy, exposition filled, racist, badly directed, horribly written, disastrously performed, and unnecessary.
My favourite parts: the directors name is Megaton and I couldn't get the movie title Giant Bay versus Megaton out of my head. Two painful directors, one movie, no survivors.
Also there's a moment in the first 30 minutes of nothing happening when Neeson gets given a brown envelope by some oil rich sheikh he was protecting, he opens it has a little chuckle to himself and puts it in his jacket never to mention it again. I can only assume that it was a moment of realisation that the large cheque received for starring in this worthless piece of shit sequel possibly wasn't worth it and he would be sacking his agent pretty sharpish.
What are your nominations for The Drive Awards? How often do you find yourself saying "Man, I Hate this Movie"? Who wants to be the first to defend Dark Knight Rises?
