Bottom 5: Movies Released in 2012 (The Drive Awards)

As of December 20th I have seen 67 movies released in 2012 according to Letterboxd, of which three were definitely TV movies and one was seen in 2011 and will not be considered for these end of year review posts.
 
I'll start my end of year movie recap by taking a look at the movies I actively disliked. In an attempt to avoid negativity and endless criticism I would like to point out that whilst these are not necessarily the worst movies of the year by any stretch of the imagination these are those five special films that I hoped for more from and was sorely disappointed.

I think it was last year that Drive killed my enthusiasm for cinema and in some ways this list could be called The Drive Awards AKA Man! I Hated This Movie. 

5. The Watch Dir. Akiva Schaffer

So much comedic potential gone to waste with this film, my expectations weren't too high but I did expect to laugh more frequently than I did. Easily the worst comedy of the year for me simply because of who was in it. I'm sure a Rob Schneider would have been a thousand times worse but then I would never watch one of his movies ever again so obviously it can't be nominated.

4. Savages Dir. Oliver Stone

I loved the book and hated the movie, there's a little bit of book reader disappointment involved in my disdain for the latest Oliver Stone mess but that aside I would have expected more from an Oliver Stone movie featuring lots of violence, such as being entertained not put to sleep. I make my plea once more, Mr Stone please find a way to remove Hollywood's dick from your ass or quietly retire from making films.

3. Dark Knight Rises Dir. Christopher Nolan

For so long this was my least favourite movie experience of the year. I know I am in the minority and that so many people orgasmed over its "brilliance" but I had so many problems with this tired and obvious movie (I don't even count plot holes as an issue, before that criticism starts here) from the second the plane was hijacked and they've only been magnified over time. It's certainly not worse than Birdemic or The Room or whatever because Nolan actually has talent but it certainly made me hate cinema for a while.

2. Total Recall 2012 Dir. Len Wiseman

I guess you could say that I expected something from this film, I didn't expect it to live up to the original or even the Philip K. Dick source story but I did expect to enjoy myself a little. Afterall it's a sci-fi chase story with lots of violence. And that expectation is what saves this from being my worst film of the year. Don't get me wrong, this movie has absolutely nothing going for it, it stinks from start to finish as discussed during the live twitter review but perhaps I wouldn't have hated it so much if it had a different title. Perhaps. Of course, if I'd waited another fortnight before watching the winner of the award there would have been nothing for this disaster to hide behind.

1. Taken 2 Dir. Olivier Megaton

It made a late run for it and scored big time. Man I hated this movie.To celebrate, here is my full review:

Holy shit snacks that was bad! Taken 2 has done what I never thought was possible, made me reconsider just how bad Total Recall 2012 was; compared to this steaming pile of nonsense it just might be considered an OK movie.

Perhaps my memory isn't so hot or I'm looking through rose-tinted glasses but I felt certain that whilst the first movie wasn't great it was a decent revenge thriller that featured Liam Neeson kicking so much ass in a series of well directed set pieces.
This one was mean spirited, derisive, clichéd, convoluted, slow, boring, un-thrilling, stupid, senseless, pointless, messy, exposition filled, racist, badly directed, horribly written, disastrously performed, and unnecessary.

My favourite parts: the directors name is Megaton and I couldn't get the movie title Giant Bay versus Megaton out of my head. Two painful directors, one movie, no survivors.

Also there's a moment in the first 30 minutes of nothing happening when Neeson gets given a brown envelope by some oil rich sheikh he was protecting, he opens it has a little chuckle to himself and puts it in his jacket never to mention it again. I can only assume that it was a moment of realisation that the large cheque received for starring in this worthless piece of shit sequel possibly wasn't worth it and he would be sacking his agent pretty sharpish.

What are your nominations for The Drive Awards? How often do you find yourself saying "Man, I Hate this Movie"? Who wants to be the first to defend Dark Knight Rises?

Movie Review: Savages (2012) Dir. Oliver Stone

Savages by Oliver Stone
2 out of 5 stars

Blurb: Part-time environmentalist and philanthropist Ben and his ex-mercenary buddy Chon run a Laguna Beach–based marijuana operation, now the Mexican Baja Cartel wants in, and sends them the message that a "no" is unacceptable. When they refuse to back down, the cartel escalates its threat, kidnapping Ophelia, the boys’ playmate and confidante. O’s abduction sets off negotiations and plot twists as Ben and Chon look for a way to come out on top.

Thoughts: Oliver Stone has taken a fantastic, short, adreneline fuelled piece of modern noir writing and made a slow, messy, overly long movie about the war on drugs. For a film the length of Traffic this has 1/10th the substance and none of the style. It took me less time to read the book than it did to watch the movie.

There were very few good things about this movie; Salma Hayek and Benicio Del Toro are the only people to come out of it with any kind of credibility, these actors deserved a better movie to perform in, that's for sure. Benicio Del Toro is never bad, he even made a Halle Berry movie watchable but Salma Hayek on the other hand has a history of mediocre performances in good movies and appearing in movies she really shouldn't have because they suck. This time the movie sucked but she was better than I remember seeing her in an English speaking role. Does The Faculty count?

The long list of complaints has to start with Blake Lively, a truly terrible actor; she narrates this film yet she can hardly speak words, everything about her casting was wrong and if I never see her in a film ever again it will be too soon.

More of a concern was that there was no sign that Oliver Stone was actually awake during the production of this movie. When I think back to some of his classic films they all have a lot of style and a very particular style at that but with Savages there was nothing, just a standard collection of shots cut together in a boring way. This was the man who made Tom Cruise watchable in Born on the Fourth of July, hell, this man made Natural Born Killers and Platoon, he may have made a movie about Dubya but I never expected anything quite this stupid. Perhaps it's time he retired?

And let's not forget the ending! Oh my gosh the ending took the movie to whole new depths of awful. Some people may not have been satisfied with the ending of the novel but I liked its ambiguity and more importantly the more explicit nature of it seemed to work in the movie as far as the awful acting of the three leads would allow it and yet, AND YET! She woke up in the shower and remembered a dream in which JR was dead. Total copout, I expected more from Oliver Stone and Don Winslow but I should have known better it seems, this is Hollywood afterall.

Dear Don Winslow, now that you have achieved a level of success and acknowledgement of your talent, the next time one of your excellent books is adapted in to a movie please retain some control over the material as this film could easily have killed your movie career. I know it must have been hard after all of the support Oliver Stone gave you and all that money floating around but even so, you know? At least it wasn't the fault of your script. Thank you, the end.

Go ahead tell me what was actually good about this film. I know it wasn't as bad as Total Recall 2012 or Amazing Spider-Man but that's not a good enough reason to like it I'm afraid, Im going to need a structured argument in defence of this abomination.

The blahblahblahgay book review of Savages by Don Winslow

Reviews from some of my favourite bloggers:
FrontRoomCinema
The Most Beautiful Fraud in the World
And So It Begins...
Cinema Viewfinder

Additional viewing:
The Death and Life of Bobby Z
Traffic
Alpha Dog

Additional reading:
The Winter of Frankie Machine by Don Winslow
The Mystic Arts of Erasing All Signs of Death by Charlie Huston
Two-Way Split by Allan Guthrie

Book Review: Savages (2010) by Don Winslow

Savages by Don Winslow

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Blurb: The smash hit thriller about two young marijuana dealers who are blackmailed into a partnership with a Mexican cartel."Baditude." Bad attitude. Ben, Chon, and O have a bad case of it, but so would you if you were the twenty-something, Laguna-cool producers of the best hydro on the Left Coast and now a powerful and vicious Mexican cartel wants in on your business. Ben's a genius botanist out to save the world. Chon's a former SEAL with a "Lack Of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder." O is a South Orange County slacker girl who loves them both. When the cartel kidnaps O to keep the boys in line, serious baditude breaks out in this twenty-first century thriller that blasts through all the old rules and blows the lid off the genre. But that's baditude for you.

Thoughts: F*ck you.
That is the entire first chpater of this book. And the baditude doesn't let up for a moment.

I really had no idea what to expect with this book. It's been recommended to me for months by Goodreads as something similar to James Ellroy but if that is the case then it is a stripped back raw Ellroy for the 21st Century. The closest comparison I had was Nobody Move which had the same urgent feel and post Tarantino dialogue to it but none of the subtleties that leaves Savages as fantastic unputdownable achievement. I literally hated putting this book down for even a second.

In theory I couldn't care less for reading about drug cartels and turf wars but what Winslow does so well is to tell that story through the lives of such incredibly well written and interesting characters as Chon, Ben and O. They're not fully fleshed out people who share their life stories (as in some of those really tedious popular novels that seem to get churned out) but they are recognisable as people we all know with all the hallmarks of humanity and very unique voices. The same can also be said of Don Winslow. He just rips up the rule book for writing a black as night crime novel.

"Whatever happened to morality?"
"Same thing that happened to CD's, replaced by newer, faster, easier technology."

It's not just the snappy believable dialogue that makes the ride so much fun it is the constant playing with words, formatting, the justification on the page, that increases the enjoyment. To know that every word is placed in it's exact position for a reason gives the text an extra layer of subtlety and meaning and the pleasure that Don Winslow takes in words (even adding a love of words as a character trait for Chon) is infectious. Should you really be laughing out loud in a book that features mass killings, hostage taking and beheadings? For these reasons I might suggest that Savages shares a lot of it's attitude (amongst other things) with another of my recent loves Shoplifting from American Apparel.

This is an American novel that analyses post 9/11, post Obama America in such a way as to bathe it in bright flourescent light, all it's failings and weaknesses shown as plain as day. It is a bold move for an American to write this stuff, almost constantly bashing every little detail of the 21st century American dream gone wrong.

Click here for my review of the movie adaptation.

Additional reading:
The Blonde by Duane Swierczynski
Pariah by Dave Zeltserman
Money Shot by Christa Faust

View all my book reviews

What You Been Doing Toby?

Good day to you all, here is a little recap of what blahblahblahToby has been up to since last we spoke.

On the movie viewing front we have forged ahead with the noir-a-thon whilst not even considering telling you all about if for even a second. Last we spoke we were up to 1944 yet here we are having just seen the incredible Samuel Fuller directed Pickup on South Street from 1953. I can't even comprehend writing that many reviews as a catchup but I may one day soon fill you in on a brief rundown of each incredible piece of classic cinema.

We are now proud subscribers to the Australian DVD rental service Quickflix which keeps sending me movies to watch and never complaining at their late return.

The end of the English football season saw us cancel our sports subscription with Foxtel and replace it with some of the worst movie channels I've ever seen. Did you know that TCM hardly ever broadcasts high quality picture and sound? I have to listen to a really horrible hissing constantly. However I did get the chance to see something amazing, The Petrified Forest starring Trevor Howard and Humphrey Bogart in the role that made him a star.

We had a nightmare of a time trying to see the new Ridley Scott, Prometheus. The trailers were incredible, the hype in my mind built to extreme levels, surely it was going to be the greatest movie ever? Check out the trailer complete with tension building music and a lack of Rafe Spall whilst I prepare The Adventure of the Couple Who Wanted to Watch Prometheus.

The Adventures of The Couple Who Wanted To Watch Prometheus

Toby saw the trailer for Prometheus and finally realised it was sort of a prequel to Alien. When Leah came home Toby said "watch this" and pressed play. Leah said "oh wow, we have to actully go to the cinema to see that."

Prometheus was released on Wednesday. Leah and Toby had a day off of work on Thursday. Toby checked the listings for the Belmont cinema and they arrived for the 11am 2D screening.

"I'm sorry, the 2D screening is playing in our Gold Lounge and costs an extra $20 each." This was the mouth breather behind the popcorn desk speaking. "Fuck that we'll go somewhere else," said Toby.


Toby checked the listings for another cinema and Leah drove for 30 minutes to get there. "I'm sorry, that screening is now in 3D" This was another mouth breather behind the popcorn desk speaking. "Fuck that I'm going to download it, at least that will be 2D." said Toby.


Toby was angry, Leah was mad. "I'm so fucking mad" said Leah. "I can't believe this fucking place" sid Toby.


It was Tuesday. Leah said "we should go and watch Prometheus." Toby said "OK"


Toby checked a third cinemas listings. They said it was showing in 2D only. Toby and Leah went to see Prometheus. The movie was in 2D. It wasn't actually very good.

And so ended the first trip to the cinema since February. Not much fun really.

I've been reading a lot. At present count I've read 139 books in 2012.

Remember how I wasn't as excited by Drive as everyone else? (check out the review if you've forgotten) I read the original novel by James Sallis (review here) and discovered that the movie was much better than I gave it credit for.

Amongst my favourite books of the year so far has been Savages by Don Winslow, a fantastic novel with an opening chapter that consists of the following:

Fuck you.

You may have noticed that Oliver Stone has adapted it in to a movie due for release this September. I'm unsure as to whether he will do the book justice but I'm still excited to see it.

And for all those noir afficionados out there, the discovery of Megan Abbott writing fabulous pulpy goodness in the style of Dashiell Hammett, Raymond Chandler, Jim Thompson and James M. Cain is something that you should be very excited by. Even if it's just for the artwork:

We took a trip across the country from Perth to Sydney relatively recently, all in the name of seeing a band. Nobody ever comes to Perth. It's a very isolated city, no matter how much money there is from the mining boom. That band was Taking Back Sunday, performing in Australia with their oriiginal lineup for the very first time. For a couple of former emo kids like me and Leah this was something we couldn't resist, especially as their new album was a fantastic return to form.

The gig wasn't amazing as the lead singer can't actually sing but we had a great time anyway and we even walked across the Sydney Harbour Bridge at night to get to the show. Highlight of the evening, despite my extreme fear of heights!

Just to round out the blog with more interactive elements here why don't you enjoy this music video from the band we spent four hours on a plane travelling to see:

 

We've also been putting the finishing touches to our trip around Europe for this coming September. But I think I'll save that for my next post "So Toby, Now That You're Back On BBBG What's Happening?"

Good post title no?

Now for making dinner. I highly recommend visiting The Post Punk Kitchen for all your dinner ideas.